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What Is Contempt in a Marriage?

Understanding Contempt in Marriage

Contempt can be expressed in various ways, both verbal and non-verbal. It often involves behaviors like mocking, sarcasm, eye-rolling, name-calling, or dismissive body language. These actions are usually intended to belittle or undermine the other person, conveying a message of inferiority.

Unlike anger or frustration, which can be temporary and related to specific issues, contempt is more pervasive. It is rooted in a deep-seated belief that the other person is less worthy or deserving of respect. This belief can become ingrained in the way partners interact, turning everyday disagreements into opportunities to degrade or demean one another.

The Impact of Contempt on a Marriage

The presence of contempt in a marriage is often a sign of deeper underlying issues. It can indicate unresolved resentment, unmet needs, or long-standing dissatisfaction with the relationship. Over time, contempt can lead to several negative outcomes:

  1. Emotional Distance: Contempt creates a barrier between partners, making it difficult to maintain emotional closeness and intimacy. The constant negativity can cause partners to withdraw from one another, leading to feelings of loneliness and isolation within the marriage.
  2. Increased Conflict: Contempt tends to escalate conflicts rather than resolve them. When one partner feels superior to the other, it can be challenging to engage in constructive communication or find common ground. This can lead to a cycle of arguments that are never fully resolved.
  3. Erosion of Trust and Respect: Trust and respect are the cornerstones of a healthy marriage. When contempt is present, these essential elements are gradually eroded. Over time, this can lead to a breakdown in the relationship’s core connection.
  4. Risk of Divorce: Research has shown that contempt is one of the strongest predictors of divorce. When contempt becomes a regular part of the relationship, it can create an environment where both partners feel hopeless about the future of their marriage.

 

Contempt in marriageAddressing Contempt in a Marriage

Recognizing and addressing contempt in a marriage is crucial to preserving the relationship. Here are some steps couples can take:

  1. Self-Reflection: Both partners should take time to reflect on their own behavior and attitudes. Recognizing feelings of contempt is the first step toward addressing them.
  2. Open Communication: It’s essential to discuss feelings of contempt openly and honestly with your partner. Avoiding blame, focus on expressing how certain behaviors make you feel and work together to find solutions.
  3. Seek Professional Help: Couples therapy can be highly effective in addressing contempt and its underlying causes. A trained therapist can help couples develop healthier communication patterns, rebuild trust, and restore respect within the marriage.
  4. Practice Empathy and Appreciation: Actively practicing empathy and showing appreciation for your partner can counteract feelings of contempt. Make an effort to understand their perspective and acknowledge their positive qualities.

 

Why Choose Connected Brain Counseling?

At Connected Brain Counseling, we understand how damaging contempt can be to a marriage. Our experienced therapists are here to help couples navigate these challenging emotions, offering tools and strategies to rebuild trust and respect. Through our tailored approach, we work with couples to restore the foundation of their relationship, fostering a healthier, more fulfilling connection.

  1. “Contempt in Marriage: Causes and Solutions,” American Psychological Association. This article provides an in-depth look at how contempt develops in marriages and offers strategies for addressing it. More details at American Psychological Association.
  2. “The Role of Contempt in Marital Conflict,” National Institute of Mental Health. This resource discusses the impact of contempt on marital satisfaction and the importance of early intervention. Learn more at National Institute of Mental Health.

 

If you’re struggling with feelings of contempt in your marriage, don’t wait until it’s too late. Contact Connected Brain Counseling today for a free consultation. Let us help you rebuild your relationship and create a healthier, more respectful connection.

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Pauly Munn, MA, LPC

Individual & Couples Counselor; Neurofeedback Clinician; EMDR-Trained (PhD Candidate)

Pauly is a Colorado native who received his MA in Clinical Mental Health Counseling at Regis University, and is a current doctoral candidate for a PhD in Clinical Psychology program at Fielding Graduate University. Pauly is an empathetic counselor who believes in a compassionate, yet direct approach to therapy. Pauly believes his clients are the experts of their experience. Through a collaborative lens, clients who work with Pauly are able to gain meaningful insight into their experience which in-turn provides the essential resources for navigating change and/or healing emotional wounds. Pauly utilizes an integrated trauma-informed lens blended with evidence-based modalities including ACT, CBT, EFT, and more. Pauly specializes in working with adult individuals and couples, with several years of experience working directly with a broad range of presenting challenges including relationship challenges, PTSD & complex trauma, substance use disorders, mood disorders, personality disorders, and more. More importantly, Pauly believes in building a safe space in which each and every one of his clients feels seen & heard. Pauly identifies as a Latino-American, and is passionate about conducting therapy utilizing a social justice & diversity-informed lens. Pauly has a strong background working with multicultural identities, and believes in the importance of recognizing our unique differences. Pauly loves staying active through basketball, tennis, volleyball, hiking, dancing, strength training, and more. Additionally, Pauly spends time actively engaging in ongoing research projects in trauma, social justice, and neuropsychology.

Pauly's Specialties

  • Depression
  • Complex Trauma
  • Couples Counseling
  • EMDR Trained
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Brianna Herrera, MA, LPCC

Individual & Couples Counselor; Neurofeedback Clinician

Brianna believes in a holistic approach to counseling, integrating mind, body, and spirit in her work with clients. She strives to help clients weave the various aspects of their lives together through a collaborative approach, meeting her clients where they’re at and partnering with them to create lasting change and a greater sense of wholeness in their lives. Brianna seeks to create a grounding and non-judgmental space where clients can explore their thoughts, emotions, and experiences with freedom and authenticity. She embraces a variety of evidence-based treatment modalities to best meet her clients’ specific needs and goals, such as trauma-informed CBT, DBT, mindfulness-based techniques, solution-focused therapy, emotion-focused therapy, and humanistic approaches. In her work with couples, Brianna focuses on helping partners improve communication, strengthen their emotional connection, and navigate challenges such as conflict resolution, intimacy issues, and life transitions. She believes that life-giving, functioning relationships are foundational to a person’s sense of well-being. Brianna is certified in facilitating both SYMBIS and Prepare-Enrich couples counseling sessions. In her free time, she can often be found adventuring outside with her husband and pup, hosting a game night, or enjoying time with community.

Brianna's Specialties

  • Couples + Dating Therapy
  • Pre/Postpartum
  • Anxiety
  • Women's Issues
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Sydney Focht, MA, LPC

Clinical Director & Counselor

I specialize in working with women in their 20s to 50s who struggle with self-worth, self-esteem, and the guilt that often comes with prioritizing themselves. Finding self-trust and the ability to feel worthy of happiness are common topics in my work. My clients tend to put off therapy because they downplay their struggles, describing their pain as ‘not that big of a deal.’ Many of them grew up in households where expressing emotions wasn’t encouraged and they are still looking for security now. My goal is to create a space where you feel completely free to be yourself—no pressure, no expectations. Therapy with me isn’t about either of us being ‘perfect’—it’s more about you feeling safe, seen, and supported as you figure things out in a way that works for you. I prioritize meaningful conversations that get to the heart of the issue, getting to the root and out of surface level conversation quickly. Going through my own therapy has given me a deeper understanding of what it’s like to be in the client’s seat, and it’s made me even more passionate about helping others find the support that truly works for them. My clients describe me as focused, compassionate, nonjudgmental, and down-to-earth. I truly love what I do and that comes through in my work! I’m a person-centered therapist, but I often integrate elements of Motivational Interviewing, CBT, and IFS.

Sydney's Specialties

  • Perfectionism
  • Eating Disorders
  • Grief/Loss
  • Women's Issues
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Cassandra Keller, MA, LPCC

Neurofeedback Clinician & Counselor (EMDR-Trained)

I support adults and teens (15+) who are ready to find relief from trauma, anxiety, depression, or feeling stuck in life, career, or identity transitions. Using a compassionate, trauma-informed, and integrative approach, I help clients reconnect with themselves and move toward balance and resilience. I’m EMDR-trained and draw from person-centered, gestalt, DBT, and somatic practices. Whether we’re working with the nervous system, processing painful memories, or exploring patterns with curiosity, my goal is to create a safe, collaborative space where you feel supported, present, and empowered to grow. I especially enjoy working with athletes, creative people, students, and outdoor adventurers who value resilience, beauty, and balance. Alongside therapy and grounding practices, I also offer neurofeedback as another powerful pathway for nervous system regulation and healing. Outside the office, you’ll often find me climbing, fly fishing, running trails, foraging, or relaxing in the grass under the aspens. My love for movement, play, and nature continually inspires how I show up with clients.

Cassandra's Specialties

  • Trauma and Developmental Trauma
  • Nervous System Regulation
  • Anxiety
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