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Why Does My Girlfriend Keep Bringing Up Past Mistakes?

Are you feeling frustrated with your relationship because your girlfriend keeps bringing up past mistakes? It’s a common problem many couples face and can be difficult to overcome without outside help. In this blog post, we will explore why your girlfriend may be bringing up past mistakes and how couples counseling can help you both move forward.

She May Feel Like the Situation Isn’t Resolved

When your girlfriend brings up past mistakes, it could be a sign that she feels like the situation isn’t resolved. Maybe you had a disagreement or conflict in the past and she still feels unresolved. Perhaps she’s still hurt or angry about it and can’t get over it. She may bring up the incident as a way to communicate her feelings and tell you that the situation is still unresolved. It’s important to understand how she feels and try to work through the issue together.

Talk openly with her and let her know that you want to move forward and put the past behind you. Explain how you’re willing to take responsibility for the mistake and make things better. Let her know that you’re sorry for any pain that you may have caused her and that you want to make it right. By showing her that you are willing to work on the issue together, it can help her feel heard and understood.

She May Need Validation

When a partner brings up past mistakes, it may be because they are looking for validation. In relationships, people need to feel validated in order to feel appreciated and secure. If your partner is constantly bringing up past mistakes, it may be because they feel as though they aren’t being seen, heard, or appreciated.

Validation is an essential part of a healthy relationship. It can come in many forms, from physical affection to verbal praise. If your partner is not feeling validated, it may manifest itself in the form of bringing up past mistakes.

It is important to take the time to validate your partner’s feelings and efforts. This can be done through verbal communication and physical touch. Showing your partner that you appreciate them will go a long way towards creating a stronger bond between you both.

If your partner is still bringing up past mistakes even after you have tried to show them appreciation and validation, it may be a sign that there is something more going on. In this case, it may be beneficial to seek out couples counseling to help you both work through the issue.

She May Not Want to Be in the Relationship

It’s possible that your girlfriend is bringing up past mistakes because she may not be sure if she wants to remain in the relationship. If she’s feeling disconnected from you, or unhappy in the relationship, this could be why she is continuously bringing up past issues.

If this is the case, it’s important for you to have an honest and open conversation with your girlfriend about what she’s feeling. Ask her if there’s anything specific that’s causing her to feel this way. Let her know that you are there to listen and want to work through any issues that she has.

It’s also important to be understanding and sensitive. Your girlfriend may feel embarrassed or ashamed for how she’s feeling, so having a compassionate conversation may help her feel more comfortable discussing her feelings.

Ultimately, it may be necessary to take a break from the relationship if both parties can’t come to an understanding. This could mean taking some time away from one another, either temporarily or permanently, in order to determine if the relationship is worth saving. It’s important to understand that while this may be a difficult decision for both of you, it’s essential to honor each other’s needs and wishes.

She May Not Know How to Communicate Her Emotions

It’s possible that your girlfriend may have a hard time communicating how she truly feels. This can be especially true if she has a history of being in emotionally abusive relationships, or if she hasn’t had much experience with healthy communication.

When someone doesn’t know how to effectively express their feelings, it can be difficult for them to move on from the past. If your girlfriend is bringing up past mistakes because she doesn’t have the tools to properly process what has happened, then it’s important to help her learn healthier ways to cope and communicate.

Communication is key in any relationship and it’s essential to create an environment of safety and trust. This means allowing your girlfriend to express her emotions without judgement or criticism. Talk to her about what she’s feeling and try to understand her perspective without putting her down. Make sure she knows that you’re there for her and that you want to help her through whatever she’s going through.

It may also be beneficial for the both of you to attend couples counseling. A counselor can help you both better understand each other and work through the underlying issues that are preventing your girlfriend from letting go of the past. They can also provide you both with valuable communication skills and help create a stronger bond between you.

How Couples Counseling Can Help You Both Put the Past Behind You

If your girlfriend is constantly bringing up past mistakes and it’s becoming a source of contention in your relationship, it may be beneficial to seek couples counseling. Couples counseling in Denver can help you both identify the underlying issues that are causing her to keep bringing up the past. In some cases, there may be unresolved issues that need to be addressed before your relationship can move forward. With the help of a qualified therapist, you can both learn how to communicate more effectively and come up with strategies for resolving conflict.

Couples counseling also gives you both an opportunity to express your feelings and needs in a safe space. It can also provide a platform for each of you to take responsibility for your own actions and to accept each other’s perspectives. Ultimately, couples counseling can provide you both with the guidance and support you need to move forward in a healthy and harmonious way.

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Pauly Munn, MA, LPC

Individual & Couples Counselor; Neurofeedback Clinician; EMDR-Trained (PhD Candidate)

Pauly is a Colorado native who received his MA in Clinical Mental Health Counseling at Regis University, and is a current doctoral candidate for a PhD in Clinical Psychology program at Fielding Graduate University. Pauly is an empathetic counselor who believes in a compassionate, yet direct approach to therapy. Pauly believes his clients are the experts of their experience. Through a collaborative lens, clients who work with Pauly are able to gain meaningful insight into their experience which in-turn provides the essential resources for navigating change and/or healing emotional wounds. Pauly utilizes an integrated trauma-informed lens blended with evidence-based modalities including ACT, CBT, EFT, and more. Pauly specializes in working with adult individuals and couples, with several years of experience working directly with a broad range of presenting challenges including relationship challenges, PTSD & complex trauma, substance use disorders, mood disorders, personality disorders, and more. More importantly, Pauly believes in building a safe space in which each and every one of his clients feels seen & heard. Pauly identifies as a Latino-American, and is passionate about conducting therapy utilizing a social justice & diversity-informed lens. Pauly has a strong background working with multicultural identities, and believes in the importance of recognizing our unique differences. Pauly loves staying active through basketball, tennis, volleyball, hiking, dancing, strength training, and more. Additionally, Pauly spends time actively engaging in ongoing research projects in trauma, social justice, and neuropsychology.

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Brianna Herrera, MA, LPCC

Individual & Couples Counselor; Neurofeedback Clinician

Brianna believes in a holistic approach to counseling, integrating mind, body, and spirit in her work with clients. She strives to help clients weave the various aspects of their lives together through a collaborative approach, meeting her clients where they’re at and partnering with them to create lasting change and a greater sense of wholeness in their lives. Brianna seeks to create a grounding and non-judgmental space where clients can explore their thoughts, emotions, and experiences with freedom and authenticity. She embraces a variety of evidence-based treatment modalities to best meet her clients’ specific needs and goals, such as trauma-informed CBT, DBT, mindfulness-based techniques, solution-focused therapy, emotion-focused therapy, and humanistic approaches. In her work with couples, Brianna focuses on helping partners improve communication, strengthen their emotional connection, and navigate challenges such as conflict resolution, intimacy issues, and life transitions. She believes that life-giving, functioning relationships are foundational to a person’s sense of well-being. Brianna is certified in facilitating both SYMBIS and Prepare-Enrich couples counseling sessions. In her free time, she can often be found adventuring outside with her husband and pup, hosting a game night, or enjoying time with community.

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Sydney Focht, MA, LPC

Clinical Director & Counselor

I specialize in working with women in their 20s to 50s who struggle with self-worth, self-esteem, and the guilt that often comes with prioritizing themselves. Finding self-trust and the ability to feel worthy of happiness are common topics in my work. My clients tend to put off therapy because they downplay their struggles, describing their pain as ‘not that big of a deal.’ Many of them grew up in households where expressing emotions wasn’t encouraged and they are still looking for security now. My goal is to create a space where you feel completely free to be yourself—no pressure, no expectations. Therapy with me isn’t about either of us being ‘perfect’—it’s more about you feeling safe, seen, and supported as you figure things out in a way that works for you. I prioritize meaningful conversations that get to the heart of the issue, getting to the root and out of surface level conversation quickly. Going through my own therapy has given me a deeper understanding of what it’s like to be in the client’s seat, and it’s made me even more passionate about helping others find the support that truly works for them. My clients describe me as focused, compassionate, nonjudgmental, and down-to-earth. I truly love what I do and that comes through in my work! I’m a person-centered therapist, but I often integrate elements of Motivational Interviewing, CBT, and IFS.

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Cassandra Keller, MA, LPCC

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